Katrina Marie Peluso

Hamlet:
To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing end them. To die—to sleep,
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to: ’tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish’d. To die, to sleep;
To sleep, perchance to dream—ay, there’s the rub:
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause—there’s the respect
That makes calamity of so long life.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
Th’oppressor’s wrong, the proud man’s contumely,
The pangs of dispriz’d love, the law’s delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of th’unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin?Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovere’d country, from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o’er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry
And lose the name of action

Today starts the first day of Acting Camp that I enrolled my 7 year old Mia into. She has a very active imagination, sings constantly to herself, in the bathroom,bathtub, and outside to our trees. As a singer myself I hear a naturel ability and vibrato emerging. She also acts out scenes during her playtime.Naturally all little girls do this with Barbie dolls. She takes this play beyond. I hear her while in the bathroom, her bedroom, and up and down our staircase for hours. We hear all the voices and parts being played out. She went thru the Alvin and chipmunk phase. Thank God that is over.

So when I was notified about  the Acting Camp, I had to enroll Mia to see if there truly is a natural talent. Or is it just a Mothers adoration for her little girl and seeing talent in everything she does. If it truly is a natural gift or talent that can be developed into an avenue for her to pursue I would like to give her the support and the opportunity to do so. If she doesn’t like it or would rather just play alone or in private that is ok with me.

We all have abilities, and talents that come thru us as children. Unfortunately many of us didn’t have an adult with a trained eye or ear to really see the potential and develop it further. Sad to say that I am personally bothered by the thoughts…….What if ? ……….it feels like an annoying mosquito at times.

What if I had gotten acting or singing lessons at an early age. I made Allstate and performed over a weekend in choir which was like boot camp. As an adult I  took voice lessons for several years. I was the lead female singer during Sunday morning worship for many years. I even enrolled in a Acting class at the Local Theatre. I was 32 but struggled with thoughts of self consciousness, and doubt that my ship had sailed rearing its ugly head playing over in my mind. I faired pretty well and did a killer monologue that shocked me when I performed it for the class. I played the main character in Agnes of God. Not a happy role. I was surprised at my depth of despair that emerged while in character. It felt like I was listening and watching someone else in my own head and body. A transient experience to say the least.  However life and work called and I did not continue with the classes.

Never the less I was  glad I took the gumpshun to pursue the WHAT IF for myself. To see if it would ignite a latent talent asleep within me.  I still was haunted with the mind chatter that this isn’t going to go anywhere so I let it go. But to be honest did not have the hunger or drive in my 30′s that I would have had in my care free teen days so I settled for practical and secure. Getting married and having children were more important. I have no regrets, at least it was my decision now. And hey it ain’t over til the fat lady sings…never know what the future holds or opportunities arise. Still at times I do wonder WHAT IF I had support around me. Adults willing to try and commit to developing my potential….?  That for many of us is the question and becomes a dog chasing it’s tail in our thoughts which serves no purpose but to keep us stuck and paralyzed.It doesn’t give us any relief because the past is over. We are responsible now to continue getting support and help if we so desire.

However the beauty of having Children is NOT to live OUR dreams thru them but know that we can give them the opportunity to develop THEIR dreams. For me that is so satisfying that if I didn’t get the opportunity I can provide a garden for my children to bloom. I don’t want my children to say woulda, coulda, shoulda. So I choose to be aware and alert to any emerging gifts, abilities, or talents that start to peek out from their personalities….grab hold of them and gently coax them out and thru. To open up the many choices available for them so they have opportunities  to move along in their journey and into their future.

I was getting verklempf during the group auditions. My daughter found her tribe. At first I was concerned she might be to unfocused, loud, and dramatic as she usually is. Which at times is quite tiring during day to day tasks. She is a dervish that inhales life. She can suck the energy out of a room and me with her enthusiasm. Funny and smart with a big heart. She needs an audience.

But during this class she was instructed to behave…Oh my gosh like herself….with no restraints other than stay quite, listen and then to do it on que’.  The older kids had the same energy and boldness she had. She watched the older girls and followed suite. She had more energy and enthusiasm than her group of 6 and 7 year olds. I felt encouraged that I made the right choice. The children that started having panick attacks when called on made my heart sad…obviously this was not natural for them as tears streamed down their face from stage freight. This was clearly a case of a parent trying to live thru a child that has no interest or desire to be in public plays or act and enrolling them anyway.

For me the most important lesson I want my daughter to experience is acceptance, and validity that her enormous personality…may be out of place in a school classroom, by some of her peers and at various times. But totally appropriate, called for and encouraged at other times, situations and places.  This way she knows that she may have to rein in her personality in some situations but not for other situations and definitely the rest of her life.  I want her to know that she has a place and a purpose. Creatively expressing herself with quite confidence and no apologies. Any activity…sports, music, even academics has the potential to foster and nurture talents. My son is totally opposite and his talent lies in technology and he is ok and more comfortable staying home and having a few friends. He DOES NOT want the spotlight or attention. That is OK too. His talents are emerging slower. I keep watching and listening to what is blooming thru his personality, ready to encourage and support however that manifests.

Today maybe you have wondered What IF to yourself like I do at times. Take comfort to know that you can take control, parent the little you and be the support to pursue anything you desire or have a talent and inclination for. Maybe your family remains discouraging. Let me encourage you and let you know…pursue your dreams any way. To assure you that their your group of like minded people are out there. People that relate and GET YOU. When you find them you will feel like you have finally come home.

We are all so unigue like fingerprints and snowflakes however still part of a whole with many outlets. I write as my outlet drawing to me my tribe. Finding like minded people wakes me up to my true potential and empowers me. I know in my heart that I AM …..I choose to BE then NOT to BE.

That is the question….I pose to you……To just BE………..Take this moment and just BE who you are, feel what you feel, and sing your own song. Imagin you BE-ing totally you…warts and all… It can be scary but think of it this way WHAT IF I could just BE who I am and express that. Take a deep breath…feels good doesn’t it?

Today here is to you and  me just BE-ing,

P.S.

Share with me what that means to you and how you either struggle with just Being who you are or how you overcame struggles to BE who you are. Please comment below.